I'll admit as I think back on this last quarter I feel a mixed bag of emotions. Sad that the class is over, gratitude from what I've learned, and an overall feeling of nostalgia remembering all the smiles I have shared and friendships I have made.

If I am to be completely honest...I didn't know what to expect going into this class. A good friend of mine Libby Furrow told me it would be one of the best experiences of my freshman year, and she was right. I remember walking in the first day unsure of where to go, where to sit, and hoping I hadn't gotten in over my head. And then enter Casey and Lori-my two favorite professors of my college experience this year. I had hoped to gain a better sense of leadership, and what it means to be a leader, and ended up gaining so much more. Through this class I found who I am not only as a leader, but as an individual-something I had been wondering about since coming to college. I met people I would have probably not come across otherwise-and I'm so thankful I did.

One of the most important skills I learned through ELP quarter was how to listen. I'll be completely honest in saying, I love to talk...a lot. But this quarter as you may have noticed I showed a different side of myself in ELP, more of an observer, how others communicate, work together, and lead, and I have gained such useful and great insight in the different forms of leadership. I realized that leaders come in all different forms, and my eyes were opened because of the group of amazing people as well as instructors for ELP.

Looking forward, I want to continue to grow in my leadership of others, as well as being a hard-working group member. I have learned, and will continue to learn how to listen to other's perspectives, and how collaboration doesn't always come easy. I know there are a lot of things I still need to work on, maintaining assertiveness, public speaking, leading with confidence, but after ELP I am so ready to continue on that journey of being a voice on Santa Clara's campus.

I am just so grateful for this experience, and I know that my freshman year was positively impacted by ELP. It's a class I would recommend to any of my friends, and I feel very lucky to have gotten to know the other amazing leaders in the class.

Okay so I think I've got it....I think!

Clip 1represents stage 3 as the members of the team have accepted their new player, and are working as a coherent unit. They have all put in the effort to help out someone on the team, and in doing do have created a unified cause.

Clip 2 relates closest to stage 5. First off, this is probably my FAVORITE Disney movie of all time, so superb choice. It shows the Genie has done his job, and now has the freedom to do whatever he pleases, whether that means not granting wishes, or moving to the Tropics.

Clip 3 shows stage 2, also another great movie, when the players argue about how to play the game. One player shows his dissatisfaction with how the team is being run, and there is a whole lot of hostility between the two, and the conflict is left unresolved for the time being.

Clip 4 is an example of stage 4, in which the fish work together for Nemo. They use creativity (Launching Gill out of the tank) to save their new friend. Gill takes leadership, and things get done with that initiative.

And now for my clip. Continuing with the Disney/animated movie theme, I've chosen the clip from Mulan with the song "I'll Make a Man out of You."http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64
This clip shows the army starting out not really sure of the expectations at hand. Many act in ways that are FAR from acceptable in the group, but start to learn what it means to be a team. Ling steps out as the leader of the group, with Mulan following behind. And come on, who doesn't find this song popping into their head occasionally?

I think clarity is an important factor in communicating to both a group and an individual. Clarity of your thoughts and goals for the group or person allows a direct line of communication, and keeps the conversation focused and on task. When it comes to communicating with a group vs. another individual, there are definite differences in how gets information across. With an individual, I've found being open and honest allows the other person to be comfortable listening to and taking direction from you, and this openness creates a mutual trust. Respect is a huge aspect of communication, and can go a long way in forming and keeping relationships.

 These tactics can be applied to a larger group as well, though a larger group may require a louder, more upfront kind of leadership. Leading a group sometimes requires one to speak up and say his or her opinion in a concise and informative manner. Other times, communication can come through a kind and gentle leadership. Body language is a huge player in communication of all groups-small or large. An affective leader has confident and assertive body language, showing a sense of purpose for their job or duty.

To be quite honest, my communication style may not be for everyone. I consider myself someone who is very open, maybe a little too open at times, and is willing to confront a problem head on. There are definite benefits like that, and it's shown to work in many situations, but sometimes my gung-ho attitude and confrontation of a problem butts heads with other people in my group. Since realizing this halfway through high school I've tried my best to be open to other's ideas and ways of thinking, and this has helped a lot to resolves any problems I've had leading a group.

When Ordinary People Achieve Extraordinary Things...

           Wow, is all I can say after hearing Jody Williams's "I believe" talk. Her talk was actually the first one I clicked on to listen to, and I'm so glad I did. After listening to other talks, I kept coming back to her talk, and her message. It's amazing how a belief in something, and being up to a challenge can have such a huge impact on the world. Giving a voice to the marginalized, oppressed, or injured because it's the right thing to do is something I hold very dear to my heart. Doing something "because it's the right thing to do" resonates with me, and is something I strive for in my everyday life. After listening to this I believe talk, my eyes have been opened, and heart renewed.  http://thisibelieve.org/essay/7/ 

I believe in Random Acts of Kindness

          It was my sophomore year of high school when I joined Setons, an all women's prayer, share, and care group on campus. A group that over the next three years would see me at my worst, lowest points, and at my highest, happiest moments. I came to love this group of girls like family and looked forward to our monthly meetings filled with laughs, tears, and licorice. In those meetings I learned the power of a hug, a hand squeeze, and the power of kindness. The leader of our meetings, a teacher at my high school is one of the most loving, compassionate, and selfless people I have ever met. She taught this group of girls the importance of always finding the good in a bad day, and that small acts of kindness went a long way.   

          Every year one meeting was special. That meeting was called the RAK (random acts of kindness) meeting. No classroom, whiteboard, or locker was left untouched by the Seton girls those nights as we went from hallway to hallway decorating lockers with candy, and writing on the whiteboards in each teachers classroom telling them what they meant to us and my high school's community. That next morning we'd all wait with excited hearts for our first class of the day, and to see the teachers' faces as they saw the board. And the fact it was a secret made it that much better. It wasn't about the recognition for what we did, it was about making someone else's day. No strings attached.

          My senior year, a fellow Seton member and I took it a step further, and the two of us took on the senior class as RAK fairies. On weekends we'd make 300 posters for lockers, and with the help of teachers, would put them up late Sunday nights. Walking into school Monday morning and seeing our classmates faces was priceless, and over the course of the year we kept it a secret, working by night to make our classmate's mornings, birthdays, or holidays just a little bit brighter. 

      

         I believe in smiling at strangers. I believe it's the  little things that make us happy, a hug, a random text, a letter. I believe in doing something because it's the right thing to do. I believe in seeing the good in every situation. I believe in the love people have for each other. And I believe that those random acts of kindness show that love.

Being absent last week because of illness, I'm finding it a little harder to grab the context of this post, but I can think of a major internal struggle I've overcome just recently, so here it goes:

The Setup
It was my junior year of high school, up until that year I was known as an athlete, a volleyball player, and that's what I had been throughout my middle school and high school career. Junior year roles around, and as I'm training with our varsity team that summer, my injuries start to catch up with me. A strained hamstring here, a bum knee there, and after a painful decision process, I stopped playing. This prompted me to question who I was without that sport, and to be honest, I didn't have a very good answer. Continuing my junior year, a nasty break up with my boyfriend, and with my family life starting to fraction, I wanted something in my life I could control.

The What

I thought, I need to be able to control some aspect of my life, feeling like everything else was out of my grasp, so gradually over the course of the spring of my junior year, I developed anorexia. Now there are many more reasons why I fell into my eating disorder, but I sought control, and something I had power over. So that spring, summer, and next fall of my senior year, I fought my battle. It started out as a way to become healthier, or so I thought. Working out more, eating less-and I saw changes. But it progressed to the point where working out wasn't an option because of the amount I was eating. I could barely make it up the stairs of my house without having to stop by mid July. My face grew gaunt, clothes hung off me like drapes, and the thing I thought I could control in my life did just the opposite.

I denied the fact there was something wrong, that this amount of weight loss was healthy, and man was I good at hiding it from my parents and the people that cared about me the most. This continued the through the summer into my senior year. I came in feeling different, but not the different I had hoped to feel. I was slowly starting to realize something just wasn't right, and I needed to change. Still unconvinced however that I was the one who needed to start that change. Then finally, on a Tuesday morning in November of my senior year, I felt a pull to our school chapel. I went in, sat down, and started to think. "Well this isn't doing anything" I though to myself, but a few moments later I heard a voice gently say, "I made you in my image, and I love you." I quickly looked around, finding no one else in the chapel with me, so I shrugged it off. But again, I heard, "in your darkest moments, you are perfect." And that's when I lost it. All the much needed tears started, and in that moment something changed. A spark went off, and I knew I needed help.

The So What
Let me start off with saying, before this moment yes, I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, and considered myself religious, but I wasn't too sure on how to talk to God, or what that even meant. But in that moment, when I was at a loss of what to do, something was there, and helped me through. After that, I knew something needed to change, so I started with my close friends, telling them what I had been going through, opening myself up, until i finally sought out help of a counselor. I was getting my life back in order, I just hadn't told two people yet....my parents. March of my senior year, I was selected to be a leader on my school's Encounter, or what many of you may know as Search or Kairos. My talk was on love, and how in order to love others, I needed to love myself. So that March was when I told my parents with my Encounter talk, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But one of the most rewarding at the time. I had finally learned to love myself not just with my flaws, but because of them. This internal struggle had made me a stronger, more compassionate person than I could have ever imagined. I had this image of what was supposed to happen, what I was supposed to look like, and well, things didn't turn out to plan. And because of that, I was able to learn and grow.

The Now What
Looking back on my experience, it's something that stays with you if not for years, the rest of your life. And even today are seeking professional helping, and confiding in many of my friends, I still have those days of uncertainty. But this struggle reminds me that even in our lowest hours, we are loved. That someone somewhere cares, and that's something I remind myself everyday. It's been a journey for sure, but one that I look back on now and am glad I had. I know that may sound odd, but those experiences, everything I went through, has willed me to always keep moving forward, that it's okay to cry, and that opening myself up to others is something I need to do often. To anyone who read this, thanks for getting all the way to the end, and I'm always here to talk about anything I wrote about if you have any questions!

          Just take a minutes to soak in the ending of the one of the greatest movies ever made, The Breakfast Club. I know it may be from the 1980s, made before I was even born, but The Breakfast Club rocks. And so does its ending.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv1I4q6lOpo

           For me this video shows how everyone has a little of everything inside them. Someone is not just one-dementional, not JUST an "athlete" or "brain" or even a "basket case." For a long time it was hard to see myself as more than one title. For a while I was the athlete, for a longer while a brain, and at times, a basket case. But at the same time I was all of those, I was also a sister, compassionate, loving, and a loyal friend. Well, I like to think I was all those things at least. But what this video reminds me of is I shouldn't have to just express one facet of who I am, I should act on all my thoughts and values. As a freshman high school I hadn't learned to express to the world all of who I was just yet, but just as this movie's group of 5 teenagers realized they had more to offer than just their stereotype, I realized that I needed to live out my words and values and everyday life. And come on, who doesn't love a 1980s teen comedy about high school??

          Over recent years I've seen people who talk a lot of talk, and just can't walk the walk. And truth be told I was one of those people at a point in my life. But after meeting my close friends in high school and seeing the genuine care and compassion they lived out, I started to realize that's something I wanted to do too. I try my hardest not to just say I'm someone's friend, but act it by being there for them when the going gets rough, but also when it's smooth sailing. I live out compassion through acts of random kindness towards strangers- think of me as creepy all you want, but just recently I've started to try to smile at every person who walks by me on their way to class or work. I know it's just a small thing, but I figure, hey what's it going to hurt to be smiled at by someone? One of the biggest things I do to live out my values is to volunteer. Sure I can talk all I want about how I want things to change, the homeless to find homes. But until I reached out and put myself in their shoes, I was just a big talker. Humbled by the hours of service and solidarity I have been able to share with people experiencing homelessness, I think I have really begun to live out the values I hold closest.

As I reflect on the statement, "When we put people in boxes where they can only be one or another, we miss the opportunity to see people as diverse as they are" I can't help but think how many people like the MBTI, put people into categories-if they're one thing, they can't be another. And some days yes, I find myself making these same generalizations. If she's organized, she can't be messy or if he's punctual he'll always have things in on time. But sometimes life happens, and we are all a melting pot of different characteristics. I feel as though I fit into many different boxes, a lot of the time spilling out of some into others. I like to think of myself as a coloring book colored in by a three year old-not necessarily in the lines of what people say the picture SHOULD look like. My personality type is ENFJ, and it's scary to think how spot on it is...really scary.

I love people, I really do. Being around my friends brings a smile to my face and I feel renewed and hopeful after being around them. But lets be honest, everyone needs that quiet time to reflect and be alone, and I know since I've been to college I have really found I need that more often than I allow myself to have it. As for N and F, those couldn't be more true, in fact I scored 30s on both of those, man this test knows me better than myself! The J, though I may not like what it stands for is spot on. I am the girl who makes plans, who takes charge when something needs to be put together, and I'm proud of the fact I need to be punctual, not want to be, but it's almost a necessity.

I do think society sheds a more positive light on extroverts over introverts, mainly because of people's definitions of the words. When people think of introverts, they think of quiet, shy, reserved people who would rather keep to themselves, when in reality many of my friends are the most outgoing introverts I've ever met! I think there is a negative stigma if you aren't always doing something, hanging out with people, or adventuring somewhere. People want their lives to be the most exciting, the most fun, the most crazy, and feel like the only way to do so is being an extreme extrovert. Hey, if you want to climb a mountain, save a baby panda, and find the cure to cancer all in one day-be my guest, I just don't think you have to be an introvert to do so. I know plenty of people, including myself who fit into more than one category on the MBTI, and a personality test cannot define who you are and how you act. You know yourself better than anyone else, and going off that gut feeling is more accurate than a computer generated test any day!